after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize