I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
