I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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