They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
