Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
