dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
