my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
