i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
