I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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