btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
