Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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