i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
