Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
