Don't make out with my wife yet
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
