I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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