There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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