thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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