her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All the doctor said was why
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize