No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
