he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
