would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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