On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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