woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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