I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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