R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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