I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
