its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
