This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
