I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
