I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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