and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
