Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
