Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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