I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize