I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
