I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize