just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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