im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
