One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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