I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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