I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
