bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We need to get me chipped asap
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
