Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
