So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So much Jack, so little girl.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
