Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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