Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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