i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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