Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
