oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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