oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
