There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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