i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
