when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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