if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the condom got lost in my hair
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
