pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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