Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
