forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
