After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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