I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
