Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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