The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You work out of a Hotel?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i drank out of a bidet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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