Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
