I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
