Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
