omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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