There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize