So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
