I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
