remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize